Friday, January 25, 2008

Stress Test

So far 2008 has been a test of the heart, physically and mentally.

During the past few weeks, I've been on pins & needles waiting for word as to my FinAid @ VCU, do I clear for it, or do I not? If I do, how much and when will it come? If I don't how will I make this semester work?

I've been trying to not think about it and focus on school work, but an impending total of close to $3700 for just classes & another $700 for books is a little much to have looming, especially when you still need to eat & keep a roof over your head.

Most days I literally felt like I was carrying a 300lb gorilla around. My back and neck felt as tight as leather drying in the desert's sun. Tension headaches seemed to rise and set with the sun, while never really completely diminishing.

While it's true that Lisa always has my back, it something that I have never come to rely on or expect. And even if we were married I would still feel this division of financial and personal responsibility. In fact, I simply didn't even want to talk about this until I knew one way or the other. I mean Lisa and I both knew what the possible outcomes would be, so we weren't going to be blindsided, so instead of taking about it for 6 weeks straight, I took to silence and tried to brunt the bulk of the worrying.

Well, it's catching up to me now. I am tired from morning 'til night, but when I try to sleep all I can do is lay awake hoping to doze off into a forgetful slumber.

I have recently found out that I did get approved and $$ is on the way and what a relief that was to hear. I'll be short compared to semesters of the past, but I'll be able to make it with a little effort and less spending.

I can honestly say that I took a leap of faith and landed on all fours! Something I rarely do in life. People always say that to succeed you must be willing to fail. I guess it took being backed in to a corner for me to have enough faith to say why not?
At least I didn't just completely cower and give up.

This was the closest thing I've ever done to placing a bet and I have to say that the rush when it came together was pretty intense.

Now to continue with the gaining momentum...